When will I feel normal again?

I'm still not my normal self, although I can tell the crying is getting better. I feel like it's suppressed all day and then gets released as soon as I have some quiet time to think about it at night. Reading my dad's diary has been very helpful. I was bummed to discover, though, that there are several years that he intentionally did not leave behind for me. The year when his parents died, and he was forced out of the ministry all the way up to when he meets my mom. And of course, the year of my birth is missing. I guess I should respect his will and just be grateful for what I have, which is way more than I expected.

It's still very hard to be productive at work. I get fixated on things, and the past year at Zoran and Brocade, my fixation was on work. It's been good to come back and feel a routine again and write a little code, although I know it is taking me days to accomplish whatI used to be able to accomplish in 2 hours. Like here I am writing email to you guys. As much as I can't complain about anything at work, I feel the desire to quit and be home with my kids, and volunteer all day at school. And get all my dad's diaries translated and saved. I'm probably just still a little depressed.