Jacob had a very bad first quarter at Sutter. I must have wrongly assumed that he was mature enough to do his homework every night without my checking, and that he would stop talking in the classroom , especially during silent reading or when the teacher was talking! Well, after weeks of me getting on his case, he finally had his first perfect week last week! All assignments turned in, and not once getting in trouble for talking. For some reason, I thought he had his homework nailed down by fourth grade, but his talking was getting to be more of a problem as he got more and more comfortable at Sutter.
In light of all this, I was very happy yesterday to hear that Jacob won the classroom spelling bee. The last time he had won was in 2nd grade. In 1st grade, he didn't even get to the spelling bee because he was spacing out during the pretest and wrote "know" instead of "no", because he was eager to show off his spelling. In 3rd and 4th grade, he was nervous and made a mistake. This year, he finally took my advice to pretend to write the word on his hand before he speaks it. I told him he's very visual and a very good speller, so that technique works for him.
Also, he told me that at recess, he made two lay-ups. I'm so glad that he's been getting into basketball now that he's been watching the Warriors on TV . He's finally working on his basketball skills at school instead of playing handball!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Need to check Joanna's homework still....
Last week, Joanna's homework was to write a special note to a secret friend as a Christmas present. The "secret friend" was drawn out of the hat. As usual, I am supposed to look over her writing, but again, I forgot to double check her writing. After all, she did a very nice job coloring her paper and making an acrostic out of the secret friend's name.
Well, yesterday, I received a note from her teacher:
"Hi Elaine, I wanted to let you know that I am going to send Joanna’s letter home today and have her redo the assignment. This assignment was intended to give the students practice writing a friendly letter. This letter will be a gift for someone. Joanna is a strong writer and a kind person, but her letter does not really show her strengths. Her assignment was to write a letter to her person telling them what is great about that person, and why it is great to have them in class. Please reread her letter and have her redo it. Thank you,Christe Farnum"
Well, as soon as I went home I read her letter and was shocked and embarrassed. Here is what she wrote.
Dear Aryanna,
Your a good friend (well sort of a friend). When you're happy, I'm sort of happy. When you're sad, I'm sort of sad. When you laugh, I sort of laugh. When you leave early, I want to leave early. When I sed "when you laugh, I sort of laugh?" Well, it's not my fault! Whenever anyone laughs , I laugh.
Sincerely, Joanna
Well, I was really embarassed, that I let Joanna turn that in. Miss Farnum must think I am a monster! What a terrible mom, that I am.
When I complained to Joanna that she didn't do a good job on her letter. She said, "I know, I didn't spell "said" correctly."
Well, yesterday, I received a note from her teacher:
"Hi Elaine, I wanted to let you know that I am going to send Joanna’s letter home today and have her redo the assignment. This assignment was intended to give the students practice writing a friendly letter. This letter will be a gift for someone. Joanna is a strong writer and a kind person, but her letter does not really show her strengths. Her assignment was to write a letter to her person telling them what is great about that person, and why it is great to have them in class. Please reread her letter and have her redo it. Thank you,Christe Farnum"
Well, as soon as I went home I read her letter and was shocked and embarrassed. Here is what she wrote.
Dear Aryanna,
Your a good friend (well sort of a friend). When you're happy, I'm sort of happy. When you're sad, I'm sort of sad. When you laugh, I sort of laugh. When you leave early, I want to leave early. When I sed "when you laugh, I sort of laugh?" Well, it's not my fault! Whenever anyone laughs , I laugh.
Sincerely, Joanna
Well, I was really embarassed, that I let Joanna turn that in. Miss Farnum must think I am a monster! What a terrible mom, that I am.
When I complained to Joanna that she didn't do a good job on her letter. She said, "I know, I didn't spell "said" correctly."
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Chocolate Milk Battle
On Sunday, there was a party at my house, and one of my friends who attended was a pediatrician at Kaiser Santa Clara, which is the closest major doctor's office near Sutter. I thought this was a great opportunity for Jacob to ask my friend for his support toward his chocolate milk campaign. I was terribly shocked to hear that my pediatrician friend who against bringing chocolate milk back to school. His only reason was because of the childhood obesity epidemic. I still believe that reasoning is ridiculous. Here are my reasons.
1. chocolate milk has been around long before the childhood obesity epidemic
2. kids are not drinking milk at all now that they don't have achoice, so they're losing out on calcium and vitamin D ( 1 in 5 kids have rickets)
3. my friend mentioned that kids can get their calcium from othersources, like cheese and vegetables, but I said that the school is not providing enough of that
4. my friend mentioned that concerned parents like me could give my kids chocoloate milk after school, but I was saying that when I was on free lunch growing up, my mom didn't buy milk for us at home. Also, I want my kids to drink milk at lunch time.
5. It's the cheetos, soda, and lack of exercise making kids obese, not chocolate milk.
6. the school is still serving juice which is RIDICULOUS
1. chocolate milk has been around long before the childhood obesity epidemic
2. kids are not drinking milk at all now that they don't have achoice, so they're losing out on calcium and vitamin D ( 1 in 5 kids have rickets)
3. my friend mentioned that kids can get their calcium from othersources, like cheese and vegetables, but I said that the school is not providing enough of that
4. my friend mentioned that concerned parents like me could give my kids chocoloate milk after school, but I was saying that when I was on free lunch growing up, my mom didn't buy milk for us at home. Also, I want my kids to drink milk at lunch time.
5. It's the cheetos, soda, and lack of exercise making kids obese, not chocolate milk.
6. the school is still serving juice which is RIDICULOUS
Monday, November 8, 2010
Teaching Delayed Gratification
Jacob won and is now Student Council President!
Today, James and I fulfilled our promise to Jacob by taking him to the Apple Store to buy an i-pod nano. While we were there,we noticed that the i-pod nano was really very boring compared to the i-touch. The nano only played music. The i-touch was a video camera and gamer,book reader, AND music player on top of that. Of course,there was quite a price difference. The nanon would have cost about $140 while the i-touch cost $220. James and I were thinking that the i-touch was a much better piece of technology for the price. Jacob and Joanna were also having fun with the i-touch samples. We decided that we would give Jacob an incentive to upgrade. The condition was that he had to first fulfill his campaign promises in order to get the i-touch. It was about delaying gratification because, regardless of whether he chose getting the i-pod or not, I would make him fulfill campaign promises. But I thought this would be a nice incentive.
It was really hard for Jacob because he was not used to delaying gratification, but with the help of a really cool young, male Apple salesperson who was talking to him, telling him that the i-touch was worth the wait, Jacob chose to wait for the i-touch. I really hope Jacob will appreciate the value of delayed gratification because of this!
Today, James and I fulfilled our promise to Jacob by taking him to the Apple Store to buy an i-pod nano. While we were there,we noticed that the i-pod nano was really very boring compared to the i-touch. The nano only played music. The i-touch was a video camera and gamer,book reader, AND music player on top of that. Of course,there was quite a price difference. The nanon would have cost about $140 while the i-touch cost $220. James and I were thinking that the i-touch was a much better piece of technology for the price. Jacob and Joanna were also having fun with the i-touch samples. We decided that we would give Jacob an incentive to upgrade. The condition was that he had to first fulfill his campaign promises in order to get the i-touch. It was about delaying gratification because, regardless of whether he chose getting the i-pod or not, I would make him fulfill campaign promises. But I thought this would be a nice incentive.
It was really hard for Jacob because he was not used to delaying gratification, but with the help of a really cool young, male Apple salesperson who was talking to him, telling him that the i-touch was worth the wait, Jacob chose to wait for the i-touch. I really hope Jacob will appreciate the value of delayed gratification because of this!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Jacob's Student Council President Campaign
Jacob is running for student council president! He is allowed to make 4 posters on paper given out by Sutter.
Also,
Here is his first attempt at a speech:
Hi! My name is Jacob Yu. And I am running for student council president. I have a sister in 2nd grade named Joanna. I've been at Sutter since Kindergarten and I like to play sports. I think Sutter is a great school. [I wish recesses were longer and school days were shorter- deleted by principal] . I think I would make a good president because I am nice and I care about others. There are a lot of things I want to do as student council president to make Sutter a great place to be.
First of all, I want to see if we can bring chocolate milk back because I know a lot of you like it better than plain milk.
Next, I will try to find out about bringing pepperoni pizza back because I like it and I think that some of you like it too!
Then I think we need more playground equipment because we don't have enough. My sister wants more hula hoops and jump ropes, and I want more playground balls and soccer balls. I will ask about getting every classroom more of these things so you can have a better recess.
Speaking of better, I think Froggy Fridays would be better if Mr. Funcheon told a joke every time. I think there should be a box in front of the office where people can submit a joke, and Mr. Funcheon could pick one to read each week.
Also, I think kids should be able to make money. I have an idea that we can have a big sale at Sutter right before Christmas. You can bring things you don't want any more, like games you don't play, and books you've already read, and sell them to each other.
Last, I think we should bring skims in handball back because I know a lot of you have been working on that skill, and would like to try it in a game. I will ask Mr. Ron about painting more handball courts so you don't have to wait in line as long.
These are the things I will work on getting if you vote for me, Jacob Yu, for president. Bye!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Tried to play volleyball tonight
I tried to play volleyball tonight. I tried my best to psyche myself up. Ate a light lunch, skipped dinner, drank coffee, warmed up against the wall hitting as hard as I can. But my mind was in a cloud. The same cloud that I get when I'm completely nervous - like in playoffs, or when I'm playing with people that are too intense and stressing me out. But this time, I know the cloud is due to the thoughts of my dad. I try to focus on the game, but I feel a lack of energy. I feel tired. We lose three games. I make some mistakes - a couple of shanks and some serving errors. Whenever my mind is not there, the first thing that goes is my serve. My left hand just can't toss the ball. My right hand barely hits the ball over the net.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Letter to Jacob on June 15, 2010
Jacob, I found your ELD homework in which you had to compare a life story with the ant and the grasshopper, and I thought you showed a lot of wisdom. Your paper is crumpled up now, but this is what you wrote.
One time I was rushing on my GATE test because I didn't think it was important, and didn't pass.
Once I was supposed to do my homework before my friend came over, but I had a friend over first and got 6/10 on my homework.
Once I was complaining that my sister got candy and I didn't, so I tried to get the candy and ended up being unable to eat candy for a month.
One time I was rushing on my GATE test because I didn't think it was important, and didn't pass.
Once I was supposed to do my homework before my friend came over, but I had a friend over first and got 6/10 on my homework.
Once I was complaining that my sister got candy and I didn't, so I tried to get the candy and ended up being unable to eat candy for a month.
Duckwater ShortTerm Mission Trip July 3 - July 5, 2010
We've been wanting to go on a family missions trip for a while, after being inspired by the many friends who have taken their family on long term and short term missions trips. We were so excited when we heard about this trip to Duckwater because it seemed like the perfect trip for our family. The conditions didn't seem too harsh or dangerous, the time frame was perfect, and we were able to go with our church family here at CCIC.
My biggest concern entering the trip was, how will we be used by God to do his work in such a short time? I felt like we didn't really have much to offer. We weren't there to build houses or be medical missionaries or teach English. We were there just to hang out and see what God can do through us. We were there just to make ourselves available for what God had planned.
Looking back, I think we definitely got more out of it than we gave, because just by being on the trip, we were able to witness some amazing things that God was able to do through us.
One example of how God was able to use even the littlest things that we have available was seeing the impact of bringing our kids on the trip. Most of you already know I have a 10 year old son named Jacob, and a 7 year old daughter named Joanna. Besides that Joanna got bug bites and a minor eye infection, and Jacob suffered from a bloody nose, they pretty much nailed the concept of "just hanging out". They immediately made friends with the local kids and played with them like they were their neighbors. And the amazing thing is, just by playing on the reservation with a few kids, they attracted more kids, who attracted their parents, to our activities. In fact, God gave us strong bonds to one particular family whose children were instant friends with our kids. Those kids showed up at every single gathering we had including coming to church on Sunday. And what was even better was that those kids' parents started hanging out with us, and one evening, instead of going to the 4th of July party at a neighborhood reservation, which is something a lot of the natives did that night, their family spent the whole evening, till almost midnight, with us. The parents were playing volleyball with me while the kids were just playing like they've been friends forever. By the end of the three days, we felt pretty close to that family, and I exchanged email addresses with the wife, so I hope to stay in touch with them, and I do hope we can come back next year just to continue our relationship which developed so quickly and so easily.
Another example of God's amazing power was being able to witness Him draw people to our activities. Since I was in charge of the kids crafts, I had to purchase some craft supplies ahead of time. I calculated to have enough supplies for about 30 children. I was a little disappointed when I heard that I should expect only about 6 kids, and even more disappointed when the missionary, Marv, said not to be surprised if only 2 people showed up to our activities. Those low expectations started seeming more realistic the first morning, when our groups were split up to do the prayer walk to invite locals to our activity. Out of the 13 houses we walked to, only 4 families opened the door, and of those, only 2 seemed receptive to coming to our activities. But to my amazement , at the first session of crafts, God drew about 30 kids to the church, and their were enough crafts for everyone. Not only that, but the kids came with adults, and some of those adults even participated in our crafts and activities. And later on, the missionary told me that the community was being brought together through their kids, and that it was rare for certain families to be in the same building as another, due to unresolved conflicts in the past. But God was able to bring these families and children together to enjoy an afternoon of crafts together, despite anything that we expected.
One way I felt really blessed from the trip was spending time with the rest of the team. For one thing, I really don't get a chance to meet the youth, and I was really encouraged to see these future leaders serving. They labored with the youth, they cooked, they cleaned, they led worship and prayer, and they even got down on their knees to play with all the kids. It was also nice to spend some time with the other members of the English congregation, and I'm amazed at all the coordination and all the cooking that was done. No stomach was unfed, no shower was missed, and everyone had a comfortable mat to sleep on over the school floor.
On a final note, probably one of the most touching memories I have of the trip was of a photograph that was hung up inside the school. It was taken 18 years ago by a Chinese church that had been coming there for 18 years to have VBS. Next to the picture was a quilt, and on the quilt were some of the kids handprints and artwork, and the words "God Loves You" . What was the most touching was that two of the kids in the picture were now adults participating in our events, both of whom I spent a lot of time with. In fact, one of the "little boys" in the picture, was Lorin, the father in that family that spent practically the whole 3 days with us, and his wife made us a beautiful visor for us during one of the activities. She decorated it with the words, "Thank you CCIC group".
We still have to pray for Lorin, because as an adult he still hasn't come to accept Jesus as his personal savior. However, the seed was planted in his heart 18 years ago, and now his kids continue coming to the VBS held by that Chinese church every year. In fact, to my surprise, when I was teaching the kids during Sunday school, they already knew how to sing "Awesome God" and a song called "Joshua 1:9". I just felt in awe to think that we are just a part of God's plan in Lorin and his family's life, a part of something that was started at least 18 years ago. It reminds me of one of my favorite verses that I think about when I am a short term missions, From 1 Cor 3:6,7
"I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow." 1Cor 3:6,7
My biggest concern entering the trip was, how will we be used by God to do his work in such a short time? I felt like we didn't really have much to offer. We weren't there to build houses or be medical missionaries or teach English. We were there just to hang out and see what God can do through us. We were there just to make ourselves available for what God had planned.
Looking back, I think we definitely got more out of it than we gave, because just by being on the trip, we were able to witness some amazing things that God was able to do through us.
One example of how God was able to use even the littlest things that we have available was seeing the impact of bringing our kids on the trip. Most of you already know I have a 10 year old son named Jacob, and a 7 year old daughter named Joanna. Besides that Joanna got bug bites and a minor eye infection, and Jacob suffered from a bloody nose, they pretty much nailed the concept of "just hanging out". They immediately made friends with the local kids and played with them like they were their neighbors. And the amazing thing is, just by playing on the reservation with a few kids, they attracted more kids, who attracted their parents, to our activities. In fact, God gave us strong bonds to one particular family whose children were instant friends with our kids. Those kids showed up at every single gathering we had including coming to church on Sunday. And what was even better was that those kids' parents started hanging out with us, and one evening, instead of going to the 4th of July party at a neighborhood reservation, which is something a lot of the natives did that night, their family spent the whole evening, till almost midnight, with us. The parents were playing volleyball with me while the kids were just playing like they've been friends forever. By the end of the three days, we felt pretty close to that family, and I exchanged email addresses with the wife, so I hope to stay in touch with them, and I do hope we can come back next year just to continue our relationship which developed so quickly and so easily.
Another example of God's amazing power was being able to witness Him draw people to our activities. Since I was in charge of the kids crafts, I had to purchase some craft supplies ahead of time. I calculated to have enough supplies for about 30 children. I was a little disappointed when I heard that I should expect only about 6 kids, and even more disappointed when the missionary, Marv, said not to be surprised if only 2 people showed up to our activities. Those low expectations started seeming more realistic the first morning, when our groups were split up to do the prayer walk to invite locals to our activity. Out of the 13 houses we walked to, only 4 families opened the door, and of those, only 2 seemed receptive to coming to our activities. But to my amazement , at the first session of crafts, God drew about 30 kids to the church, and their were enough crafts for everyone. Not only that, but the kids came with adults, and some of those adults even participated in our crafts and activities. And later on, the missionary told me that the community was being brought together through their kids, and that it was rare for certain families to be in the same building as another, due to unresolved conflicts in the past. But God was able to bring these families and children together to enjoy an afternoon of crafts together, despite anything that we expected.
One way I felt really blessed from the trip was spending time with the rest of the team. For one thing, I really don't get a chance to meet the youth, and I was really encouraged to see these future leaders serving. They labored with the youth, they cooked, they cleaned, they led worship and prayer, and they even got down on their knees to play with all the kids. It was also nice to spend some time with the other members of the English congregation, and I'm amazed at all the coordination and all the cooking that was done. No stomach was unfed, no shower was missed, and everyone had a comfortable mat to sleep on over the school floor.
On a final note, probably one of the most touching memories I have of the trip was of a photograph that was hung up inside the school. It was taken 18 years ago by a Chinese church that had been coming there for 18 years to have VBS. Next to the picture was a quilt, and on the quilt were some of the kids handprints and artwork, and the words "God Loves You" . What was the most touching was that two of the kids in the picture were now adults participating in our events, both of whom I spent a lot of time with. In fact, one of the "little boys" in the picture, was Lorin, the father in that family that spent practically the whole 3 days with us, and his wife made us a beautiful visor for us during one of the activities. She decorated it with the words, "Thank you CCIC group".
We still have to pray for Lorin, because as an adult he still hasn't come to accept Jesus as his personal savior. However, the seed was planted in his heart 18 years ago, and now his kids continue coming to the VBS held by that Chinese church every year. In fact, to my surprise, when I was teaching the kids during Sunday school, they already knew how to sing "Awesome God" and a song called "Joshua 1:9". I just felt in awe to think that we are just a part of God's plan in Lorin and his family's life, a part of something that was started at least 18 years ago. It reminds me of one of my favorite verses that I think about when I am a short term missions, From 1 Cor 3:6,7
"I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow." 1Cor 3:6,7
When will I feel normal again?
I'm still not my normal self, although I can tell the crying is getting better. I feel like it's suppressed all day and then gets released as soon as I have some quiet time to think about it at night. Reading my dad's diary has been very helpful. I was bummed to discover, though, that there are several years that he intentionally did not leave behind for me. The year when his parents died, and he was forced out of the ministry all the way up to when he meets my mom. And of course, the year of my birth is missing. I guess I should respect his will and just be grateful for what I have, which is way more than I expected.
It's still very hard to be productive at work. I get fixated on things, and the past year at Zoran and Brocade, my fixation was on work. It's been good to come back and feel a routine again and write a little code, although I know it is taking me days to accomplish whatI used to be able to accomplish in 2 hours. Like here I am writing email to you guys. As much as I can't complain about anything at work, I feel the desire to quit and be home with my kids, and volunteer all day at school. And get all my dad's diaries translated and saved. I'm probably just still a little depressed.
It's still very hard to be productive at work. I get fixated on things, and the past year at Zoran and Brocade, my fixation was on work. It's been good to come back and feel a routine again and write a little code, although I know it is taking me days to accomplish whatI used to be able to accomplish in 2 hours. Like here I am writing email to you guys. As much as I can't complain about anything at work, I feel the desire to quit and be home with my kids, and volunteer all day at school. And get all my dad's diaries translated and saved. I'm probably just still a little depressed.
Looking back at my 1984 diary
Last night I decided go back to my diary which I started in 1984. There are not a lot of entries in there, but it's hilarious to go back to. I'm glad I have them because I can remind myself of what it was like to be a pre-teen. I think Joanna will appreciate me having this memory again. The things that I wrote about seemed quite petty, but reading them reminds me of bigger themes in my life. I'm also surprised at my spelling and grammatical errors, although I attribute that to my feeling of being carefree as I was writing. Anyway, I have uploaded some of my diary entries to my "Seed of Anhui" blog, because in a sense, I am also a seed. =) I've intentionally left the grammatical and spelling errors in my entries to keep the authenticity. And to remind myself to have more patience with my kids when they make their mistakes.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
My Last Day with My Dad
My last day seeing my dad alive was September 18th, 2010. I took a morning flight from San Jose and and arrived at LAX at 8:30. I got to see my dad in the Garfield hospital at 9:45. He was on the third floor, sharing the room with a cancer patient.
When I arrived he was sleeping. But he woke up about 10 minutes later. He seemed alert but tired. But it was nice that he was making eye-contact with me and could speak. His wife fed him some thickened apple juice and a pint of milk. I also tried to feed him. I spent most of my time holding his hand. He did not like having his arm strapped down. But they were strapped down because he had been trying to rip out his feeding tube and his IV's. He didn't like being strapped down and said " Wo fan shemme fa?" (what crime did I commit?) But eventually, I took one arm out so I could hold his hand. We were together for 45 minutes. I sang hymns to him. He told me he recognized the tunes that I sang. I sang " How Great Thou Art". "Amazing grace" "Because He Lives" "the Doxology", "I have decided to follow Jesus", and some other tunes. At some point he fell back asleep. His wife left the room from 11 - 3. It was just my dad and me. I read a system verilog book while he slept. I also spent time talking to the nurses and complaining about him getting dehydrated at the nursing home. I watched as they took his blood pressure and gave him his breathing treatment. My dad looked really weak. It seems like he was just lying in bed all day. It seems like he knew he was near the end. At about 12:30, he woke up. I sang to him, and held his hand. We stared into each other eye's a lot. He said something about feeling "very close to me. Never felt so close to me before." And I said, "Yes, I feel very close to you". At times he was grappling at my arm. I didn't know what he wanted. But other times he just held my hand, from one hand to the other. Sometimes, he would take my hand to wipe his lips. But sometimes, he just kissed my hand. I rubbed his forehead. I asked him if he wanted me to sing to him more. He said "wu so wei (it doesn't matter). He just liked me near him. I sang the doxology once again, and he mustered enough energy to sing "da-dum-dum-dum- Amen" the rest of the melody. (In my visit in August, before we ate our meal in his kitchen, he had sang some sort of "grace" to the tune of the doxology, so I already knew he was familiar with the tune). I asked him, literally, if he knew Jesus. "Ni jr dao Ye Su" ma? He seemed kind of confused by my question. I realized I should have said "ni xiang xin ye su ma?" But I was afraid to talk more, afraid that he was in a bad mood and might say something I didn't want to hear. Another time that day, I said, "Ni ji de ni yi chien shr mu-shr ma?" (do you remember you used to be a minister?" He said with energy, "of course I remember!". At one point I said that I was 38. He said in disbelief, "you can't be 38!" and then I told him he was "82"
Winson came in at about 1:00. throughout that time, my dad had been in and out , falling asleep and waking up. We had also been feeding my dad, and he was doing a good job eating. There was a time when he held my hand and Winson's hand, and had all three of our hands together. And he put his hand on Winson's heart. He told Winson he wanted to feel his heart beat. (He managed to say that very sentimental request in a very matter of fact way). He kissed Winson's hand. Winson said to my dad, "We know you love us, and we love you very much".
And he asked about my mom, and I told him she's doing great. And he asked about my job, and I told him it was great. And I had my kids call on the cell phone at about 3:30, and he heard them saying " ni hao gong gong" on the phone. And then he was tired. And he went back to sleep till 5:30. At 5:30, I knew I was about to go back in 30 minutes. I wanted my dad to wake up. It was really hard for him to stay awake. At about 5:45, one of the internists came in and talked to my dad, and my dad awoke a little more. So at about the last 10 minutes before I left, my dad was alert, and I told him that I had to go, but to take good care of himself, and get stronger so that we can visit again with my kids and James when he gets out of the hospital. And he just looked at me, staring into my eyes, and I said, "say something" and he said "bye-bye". Then he told my brother "ni sung ni di mei-mei hwei jia". or something like that meaning "take your little sister to the airport".
He left the hospital at the end of that week. I really thought I would have had a chance to see him again. I was hoping he would be on the road to recovery. We booked an airplane ticket for 10/10 for the 5 of us (my mom included). I did not know he would pass away the day before at 8:20 am.
I am crying now, as I remember the last day. I remember that day, i wanted so badly to cry on him and tell him how much I loved him, and how much I would miss him. But I didn't want him to feel bad, so I kept my tears inside.
I love you dad!!
When I arrived he was sleeping. But he woke up about 10 minutes later. He seemed alert but tired. But it was nice that he was making eye-contact with me and could speak. His wife fed him some thickened apple juice and a pint of milk. I also tried to feed him. I spent most of my time holding his hand. He did not like having his arm strapped down. But they were strapped down because he had been trying to rip out his feeding tube and his IV's. He didn't like being strapped down and said " Wo fan shemme fa?" (what crime did I commit?) But eventually, I took one arm out so I could hold his hand. We were together for 45 minutes. I sang hymns to him. He told me he recognized the tunes that I sang. I sang " How Great Thou Art". "Amazing grace" "Because He Lives" "the Doxology", "I have decided to follow Jesus", and some other tunes. At some point he fell back asleep. His wife left the room from 11 - 3. It was just my dad and me. I read a system verilog book while he slept. I also spent time talking to the nurses and complaining about him getting dehydrated at the nursing home. I watched as they took his blood pressure and gave him his breathing treatment. My dad looked really weak. It seems like he was just lying in bed all day. It seems like he knew he was near the end. At about 12:30, he woke up. I sang to him, and held his hand. We stared into each other eye's a lot. He said something about feeling "very close to me. Never felt so close to me before." And I said, "Yes, I feel very close to you". At times he was grappling at my arm. I didn't know what he wanted. But other times he just held my hand, from one hand to the other. Sometimes, he would take my hand to wipe his lips. But sometimes, he just kissed my hand. I rubbed his forehead. I asked him if he wanted me to sing to him more. He said "wu so wei (it doesn't matter). He just liked me near him. I sang the doxology once again, and he mustered enough energy to sing "da-dum-dum-dum- Amen" the rest of the melody. (In my visit in August, before we ate our meal in his kitchen, he had sang some sort of "grace" to the tune of the doxology, so I already knew he was familiar with the tune). I asked him, literally, if he knew Jesus. "Ni jr dao Ye Su" ma? He seemed kind of confused by my question. I realized I should have said "ni xiang xin ye su ma?" But I was afraid to talk more, afraid that he was in a bad mood and might say something I didn't want to hear. Another time that day, I said, "Ni ji de ni yi chien shr mu-shr ma?" (do you remember you used to be a minister?" He said with energy, "of course I remember!". At one point I said that I was 38. He said in disbelief, "you can't be 38!" and then I told him he was "82"
Winson came in at about 1:00. throughout that time, my dad had been in and out , falling asleep and waking up. We had also been feeding my dad, and he was doing a good job eating. There was a time when he held my hand and Winson's hand, and had all three of our hands together. And he put his hand on Winson's heart. He told Winson he wanted to feel his heart beat. (He managed to say that very sentimental request in a very matter of fact way). He kissed Winson's hand. Winson said to my dad, "We know you love us, and we love you very much".
And he asked about my mom, and I told him she's doing great. And he asked about my job, and I told him it was great. And I had my kids call on the cell phone at about 3:30, and he heard them saying " ni hao gong gong" on the phone. And then he was tired. And he went back to sleep till 5:30. At 5:30, I knew I was about to go back in 30 minutes. I wanted my dad to wake up. It was really hard for him to stay awake. At about 5:45, one of the internists came in and talked to my dad, and my dad awoke a little more. So at about the last 10 minutes before I left, my dad was alert, and I told him that I had to go, but to take good care of himself, and get stronger so that we can visit again with my kids and James when he gets out of the hospital. And he just looked at me, staring into my eyes, and I said, "say something" and he said "bye-bye". Then he told my brother "ni sung ni di mei-mei hwei jia". or something like that meaning "take your little sister to the airport".
He left the hospital at the end of that week. I really thought I would have had a chance to see him again. I was hoping he would be on the road to recovery. We booked an airplane ticket for 10/10 for the 5 of us (my mom included). I did not know he would pass away the day before at 8:20 am.
I am crying now, as I remember the last day. I remember that day, i wanted so badly to cry on him and tell him how much I loved him, and how much I would miss him. But I didn't want him to feel bad, so I kept my tears inside.
I love you dad!!
My three year career plan
When I first joined Zor* on 9/15/09, I remember that after being there 1 month, I was already saying to myself. "Three years! Just three more years of engineering, and I am going to quit to be a stay at home mom again. James, let's plan well financially for this. I just didn't like the feeling of stress and unhappiness at work at Zor*
Then, when I first realize that Jer* might be a liar, I say "just 2 years. Till June of 2012, so I can have a summer with my kids for once."
Then, I am "required" by my manager to carry a cell phone around at all times. I'm an engineer by the way. I'm not an obstetrician. My plan becomes "June 2011 is when I'll quit"
Then I start dreaming of being a math teacher at King's Academy. I go on the website and ask if the math teacher position is still open. Unfortunately, it is not. I ask if I can volunteer. The admin says that only way to volunteer is to be a substitute teacher. Due to the hectic schedule at Zor*, there's no way I could be a sub.
Then,I find out that my manager asks one of his underlings to date him. She's right out of college and 18 years younger than him. She decides very sadly that she needs to look for another job.
I realize that if she leaves,then I might as well leave,too! Besides, I couldn't tolerate working for him for even another week. Every email from him whether reasonable or not evokes great anger in me.
A week after Brocade receives my resume, I get the offer. I praise God for opening my way out.
I give my manager the 2 week notice. 4 days later, he quits too. My NCG friend's job is now saved! She doesn't have to look for another job! Yay!
I'm sorry to leave my friends at Zor*. After all, the reason I was leaving was because of my manager. But I go to Brocade, because I really feel like it is a better place to be in the long term.
I reset my career goals back to 2012, June. It's not that I don't like Brocade, because it's a great place to work, and I'm doing what I like. But, I miss my kids too much! James and I need to plan financially,.
Then, when I first realize that Jer* might be a liar, I say "just 2 years. Till June of 2012, so I can have a summer with my kids for once."
Then, I am "required" by my manager to carry a cell phone around at all times. I'm an engineer by the way. I'm not an obstetrician. My plan becomes "June 2011 is when I'll quit"
Then I start dreaming of being a math teacher at King's Academy. I go on the website and ask if the math teacher position is still open. Unfortunately, it is not. I ask if I can volunteer. The admin says that only way to volunteer is to be a substitute teacher. Due to the hectic schedule at Zor*, there's no way I could be a sub.
Then,I find out that my manager asks one of his underlings to date him. She's right out of college and 18 years younger than him. She decides very sadly that she needs to look for another job.
I realize that if she leaves,then I might as well leave,too! Besides, I couldn't tolerate working for him for even another week. Every email from him whether reasonable or not evokes great anger in me.
A week after Brocade receives my resume, I get the offer. I praise God for opening my way out.
I give my manager the 2 week notice. 4 days later, he quits too. My NCG friend's job is now saved! She doesn't have to look for another job! Yay!
I'm sorry to leave my friends at Zor*. After all, the reason I was leaving was because of my manager. But I go to Brocade, because I really feel like it is a better place to be in the long term.
I reset my career goals back to 2012, June. It's not that I don't like Brocade, because it's a great place to work, and I'm doing what I like. But, I miss my kids too much! James and I need to plan financially,.
Sorry for being so bitter
Wow, I didn't realize digging up old emails would get me so mad. Well, I felt that in 2009, it was significant to describe getting my job at Zor*, but then it was significant to explain,also, why I left after 11 months. After all,my last job before that was for 14 years!! Okay, I also am missing my dad a lot as I type. =(
Brocade was so different. First of all, the interview process was so short. On Friday evening, at 5:00, I get a call from the Sr. Manager. We chat for 20 minutes. He brings me in the following Wednesday for an interview (and lunch in the cafeteria). The recruiter calls me that Friday morning with the intention of their offer.
Brocade is such a great place to work. First and foremost, my managers and senior managers are sweet, and smiley. They seem like real engineers. They don't ask me to do dumb work to make them look smart. (Oops, negativity again). I am enjoying my task which is to create system verilog ethernet port models. I didn't know anything about ethernet before, or system verilog, but it's been great to learn it.
The group meetings are very few. Everyone is respectful. No one is in front of their lap top. Everyone seems to like each other. There doesn't seem to be work politics. There are a lot of women engineers. Everyone is very helpful and friendly to me. It's just a great atmosphere.
The buildings are new, green, and they just built a Target across the street.
Brocade was so different. First of all, the interview process was so short. On Friday evening, at 5:00, I get a call from the Sr. Manager. We chat for 20 minutes. He brings me in the following Wednesday for an interview (and lunch in the cafeteria). The recruiter calls me that Friday morning with the intention of their offer.
Brocade is such a great place to work. First and foremost, my managers and senior managers are sweet, and smiley. They seem like real engineers. They don't ask me to do dumb work to make them look smart. (Oops, negativity again). I am enjoying my task which is to create system verilog ethernet port models. I didn't know anything about ethernet before, or system verilog, but it's been great to learn it.
The group meetings are very few. Everyone is respectful. No one is in front of their lap top. Everyone seems to like each other. There doesn't seem to be work politics. There are a lot of women engineers. Everyone is very helpful and friendly to me. It's just a great atmosphere.
The buildings are new, green, and they just built a Target across the street.
Blast from Sep 9,2009: Summary of jobs
copied from a "chat" with Keith in response to Brocade being a "breath of fresh air compared to the other place" and he thought I wasn't comparing with LSI. My response was much longer than he expected.
Nothing can compare to LSI! The only problem at LSI was that every year or so, there was that constant fear of being laid off, or our project being cancelled and I was always wondering what I would be doing next. Also, and this isn't bad, but I had a breadth of experience there doing all kinds of different things like test patterns, scan, bist,dpm reduction, etc. But it was during that time at LSI that I really liked writing tests and writing scripts.
Mag* had great food, and great people, and I even enjoyed being"forced"to learn python. What I didn't like about Mag* was all that XML stuff and dealing with the "flow", and being forced to report to Steve * (name changed).
Zor* had great people, and Jer* was a great liar! They had a very good solution to our "Mag* Flow" problems, and initially Jer* had given me the assignment of doing a lot of creative work. I was able to take everything I had learned from Mag* and Zor* and put together something from scratch and then use it to do verification.The tight schedules made it feel like a sweatshop, but I felt good to feel like I was making good contributions not just to my teambut also outside of the group. I was able to help the validation people testtheir ROM code, I was able to help the software people run simulations. I was the person they went to when they couldn't get a special DSP MIPS instruction to work on the board. I built friendshipwith a lot of people too. I had a great commute! I got to use Specman. Gosh I'm starting to feel sad about what I left!
But what made it totally intolerable was that Jer* was such a micromanager! And it became more and more noticeable as time went on. And I started distrusting him a couple of months ago... And did I tell you that he once totally threw me under the bus in front of the director? (I think I spared you of that story). And then he started treating me like his puppet on top of all the gossiping and lying. And then I realized that he cared more about me making him look good then me doing good things for our company! And then he asked out Annie*...
Brocade doesn't have free food and the coffee is bad! And the commute stinks! But my manager and senior manager are so nice! They leave me alone. They trust me to do my work! And they do real work themselves. I think that is the biggest improvement over Zor*,because Jer* drove me out of there! Plus my manager gave me a really good task which I consider "fun", and which is a great way for me to get more familiar with networking products without me being in the critical path. And I get to learn system verilog. I think I will like learning system verilog as much as I liked learning python. So that's why , for now, I'm happy there.
Nothing can compare to LSI! The only problem at LSI was that every year or so, there was that constant fear of being laid off, or our project being cancelled and I was always wondering what I would be doing next. Also, and this isn't bad, but I had a breadth of experience there doing all kinds of different things like test patterns, scan, bist,dpm reduction, etc. But it was during that time at LSI that I really liked writing tests and writing scripts.
Mag* had great food, and great people, and I even enjoyed being"forced"to learn python. What I didn't like about Mag* was all that XML stuff and dealing with the "flow", and being forced to report to Steve * (name changed).
Zor* had great people, and Jer* was a great liar! They had a very good solution to our "Mag* Flow" problems, and initially Jer* had given me the assignment of doing a lot of creative work. I was able to take everything I had learned from Mag* and Zor* and put together something from scratch and then use it to do verification.The tight schedules made it feel like a sweatshop, but I felt good to feel like I was making good contributions not just to my teambut also outside of the group. I was able to help the validation people testtheir ROM code, I was able to help the software people run simulations. I was the person they went to when they couldn't get a special DSP MIPS instruction to work on the board. I built friendshipwith a lot of people too. I had a great commute! I got to use Specman. Gosh I'm starting to feel sad about what I left!
But what made it totally intolerable was that Jer* was such a micromanager! And it became more and more noticeable as time went on. And I started distrusting him a couple of months ago... And did I tell you that he once totally threw me under the bus in front of the director? (I think I spared you of that story). And then he started treating me like his puppet on top of all the gossiping and lying. And then I realized that he cared more about me making him look good then me doing good things for our company! And then he asked out Annie*...
Brocade doesn't have free food and the coffee is bad! And the commute stinks! But my manager and senior manager are so nice! They leave me alone. They trust me to do my work! And they do real work themselves. I think that is the biggest improvement over Zor*,because Jer* drove me out of there! Plus my manager gave me a really good task which I consider "fun", and which is a great way for me to get more familiar with networking products without me being in the critical path. And I get to learn system verilog. I think I will like learning system verilog as much as I liked learning python. So that's why , for now, I'm happy there.
Blast from Sept 3, 2009. Leaving Mag... to join Zor...
On the third Wednesday of July, just after returning from our Yellowstone trip, I find out that I was getting laid off. Apparently, Mag had lost a design win and was getting out of the consumer business. I was relieved that I didn't have to work there anymore, since a lot of things were a mess, but I wasn't sure what I was going to do next. I thought this was probably the time for me to stay at home, enjoy being paid unemployment insurance, and figure out what to do with my life. Ideally, I wanted to spend the summer with the kids in China so they can get more Chinese exposure, and I would consider going into real estate or teaching. The latter option seemed especially appealing to me because of the nice hours of a teacher, but the thought of going to school for two years was a barrier. So I thought I would enjoy being unemployed for a while, spend time with the kids, and see what doors God opens for me instead.
About a week and a half after getting the layoff notice, I had the "crazy" idea to post my resume on the internet, just to see where I stand -- sort of like getting an appraisal. I knew that the job market was really bad, and I knew of people who had been looking for jobs for months without finding the perfect job. I just thought I'd give it a try because it was so easy to post a resume on the internet. Plus, since I was planning to leave engineering, I thought this would be a chance to write one final resume while my accomplishments were fresh in my head. Also, I had the help of my friend Keith, who let me see his resume. Since we had worked together for the past 14 years, I decided to use his format and just change the parts of his resume to make them apply to me.
The day after I post my resume to hotjobs.com, I immediately begin getting solicited by headhunters. In fact, I posted my resume on Wednesday, and I was called on Friday. This seemed somewhat amazing to me since none of my friends had had this experience. On Monday, I find out that the headhunter, ERG, wanted to connect me with Ubicom for a full time verification position. They had selected me for my experience with caches. That Tuesday, I had a phone screen with the hiring manager. We talked for about an hour, and it went somewhat well considering it was a first phone screen. I was nervous, and I could tell the hiring manager was very smart and wanted me to be very smart. I wasn't sure I sounded smart enough on the phone screen, but I was invited to a full day interview for Thursday. When Thursday came, I interviewed with the hiring manager and 3 others. I didn't do very well answering some of their questions. I blamed it on being rusty at interviewing, and not knowing how to clarify the question being asked. They asked me deep questions about packets though I hadn't worked with network packets in a long time. The hiring manager also asked me a C question which was very involved. I was able to work it out eventually, but I wasn't sure if I was able to show the hiring manager that I was brilliant , as he had said would be the requirement for getting the job. Also, as I was interviewing, I discovered it was crunch time, and the manager was very unopen to me ever wanting to work part-time, and the other people didn't seem that excited to be working there. After all, it was a start -up company that had been around for 10 years. So as I was interviewing, I was very sure I would not want the job, and I didn't think I'd pass the interview anyway. As I was walking out of there, I was just glad to have given interviewing a try, and was sure that would be the last ....
As I was leaving the building and entering car, I decide to check my voice mail. I get a message from a hiring manager at Ambarella who found my resume on the internet. Amazing again! He wanted to know if I was available for a phone screen. Although I was tired of looking for a job, I decided to go for the phone screen. The next day, he calls me and asks me 15 questions in 30 minutes. It was very methodical, and the questions were easy, had I done any amount of studying. The problem was that I had not done the due diligence of looking for a job, so I didn't review stuff that I should review. ie. they asked med simple questions like "what's the difference between a task and a function", "what's the difference between a blocking and non-blocking assignment". I was quite embarassed for flopping, but it was totally unexpected. As a result, I realized that if I were to go on an interview, I better do some amount of studying, especially for these easy questions regarding terminology.
On Monday, I get another call from a headhunter for a DFT position. The headhunter was "impressed with my resume" and thinks I would be a good fit. Well, I completely ignore his call and when he calls again on Wednesday, I forward the info to my friend Avinash. By now I'm getting tired and I'm thinking I should take my resume off the internet since I hadn't been thrilled by the companies that were interviewing me.
The next day, I get an email from another headhunter about a verification position. By now, I had already talked with Keith who told me it was okay to tell them " Thank you for your interest in me. I've decided to take a break at this moment". So I try this with Charlie, the recruiter. He calls me about a position, and I ask him to send me the job description. Then I look at the job description and call him back and tell him the truth. "Thank you for choosing my resume. The jobs seems like a good fit, but I've decided that I want to take a break for a couple of months before looking for a job. Also, I've always been working part-time, so unless I can have a part-time job, I'm probably not interested". Charlie then tells me that there's a contracting position at the same company too, so I tell him that I might perhaps be interested. Charlie then talks to Jerel, the hiring manager, about the situation, and amazingly, Charlie calls me back and says that "Jerel wants me to apply for the full time position". So Charlie suggest that Jerel and I chat about the position. At first, he suggests "that day". and I try to work it out because I just wanted to get this out of the way, but then I decide that it would be too stressful for me to go to this interview and pick my kids up from basketball camp. So I suggest just talking on the phone. We schedule Wednesday, 11-12, just before my grass volleyball game in Fremont.
I drive toward Fremont extra early so that I can be at the park when Jerel calls me, and the go straight to play volleyball afterward. At 11:00,I'm sitting in my car holding my iphone, and reading my email so that I could be ready to talk to Jerel. At 11:10, I find it suspicious that I don't get a call. I check my voicemail to discover he had called at 11:05. I quickly hang up to call him back, but I realize that I need to listen to his full message to get his entire phone number. A whole 30 seconds passes, which feels like forever. I just felt very irresponsible and it was the first phone screen where I had actually missed the interviewer's call. Thankfully, I reach him, and explain the situation. He doesn't seem to be offended. He then tells me what the full-time position is for, to be a lead, and to mentor juniors. I tell him I've never had that experience, but , (not wanting to slam any doors shut), I felt like it might be something I could do. He then asks me about my experience, and what I've been working on. He seems to just like me, and my experience, for some strange reason. In the end, he invites me to come to the full day interview that they have set up for me on Thursday, to further discuss whether I should work full time or part time. I then exclaim that I didn't realize that part-time was still an option! He then admits that he would like me to apply for the full time job. Anyway, this phone screen was very different than the other two in that, while I had done progressively more studying, it did not come into effect at talk, because it was more of a discussion about my past experience.
So Wednesday night, I decide do a little more studying. Because I still had work, and kids (James had badminton that night), I still couldn't do much studying, but I decided to at least read the Clifford Cummings paper about blocking vs. non-blocking. I also read up on a few links that my friends had passed on to me about typical interview questions just so that I could do better. I still wasn't sure if I wanted the job though.
Thursday morning comes, and as I approach my car to drive to the interview, I notice that it is still as utterly disgusting and dirty as it was when I went to my Ubicom interview. At Ubicom, being a small start-up, I had to make sure I park far away from the door just to ensure no one would see my dirty car. I am annoyed with myself that I didn't find the time to get my car washed before the Zoran interview. So as usual, I park far away. I had a lot of time to spare. As I approach zoran, I am very impressed that it only took me 8 minutes to drive there. The lobby is very nice, and it definitely has the feel of an established company. I am impressed with the products on display. I arrive early, the only breakfast I had was an iced-white chocolate mocha from starbucks, same as what I got before the Ubicom interview.
10:00 , I meet Jerel. He proceeds to tell me what a terrible morning he had and how his car had broken down a couple blocks from his house that morning. I think of this as small talk. We enter the interview room. He asks me a lot of questions about my past experience, then he asks me some math-y questions. Not engineering questions, but more like brain teasers to see how I think. An hour and a half later, I'm done with him and move on talking with Peter, the director, and his manager. Peter asks me about my resume, a C questions, a question about verifying the pentium (to find that FPU bug), and a question about video. I feel like I did okay with him. Even though he started off as a stoic man, I even got him to crack a smile at the end of the interview. Then at 12:30, Jerel comes back an invites me to lunch.
At lunch, Jerel tells me " I normally offer to drive my interview candidates to lunch, but given my situation, I am going to ask if you can drive us to lunch." OHHHHHH SHOOOOT! WHY OH WHY DIDN"T I WASH MY CAR????? I then tell Jerel, "No. I'm sorry but I cannot let you see my car. I park under a tree and there is bird poop all over it!" I then make us trek 2 blocks in my nice clothes down an unpaved Kifer blvd to a little Korean owned deli. The lady behind the counter recommends I order this large messy bowl of noodles smothered with peanuts. I imagine myself slurping away and making a big mess, so I instead just order "what Jerel orders". We have a very nice lunch where he's wooing me about how I can work flex time and from home anytime I want. I start thinking I must have done okay on his interview questions that morning cuz he's still wooing me.
We walk back for more interviews. I interview with one of the NCG's. One of the questions he asks me is straight from that one Clifford Cummings paper. A miracle! I then interview with Marty. He asks me this question about a spinner spinning clockwise or counterclockwise. I get mad at myself for having seen that question before, but not reviewing it. Fortunately, I remember the solution is very simple, so I keep that in mind as I am solving the problem all over again. He then asks me a lot of follow up questions to the problem, and I answer them alright. I figure if I had just memorized the right answer to first part without working it out, I wouldn't have done so well on the interview.
I leave home feeling good about the interview, and good about the company. The next morning, I get a call from Charlie telling me that due to some timeline of another candidate, I will hear the results by 6pm that day. I immediately feel stressed thinking in my naivete that they might be giving me an offer that night, and that if they did, they wouldn't give it to the other guy, and if I didn't want the offer, then they should have given it to the other guy. I involve many friends in my situation and ask for prayer that God will make it clear whether I should take this job or not, and if it's a job He knows I cannot handle, that He would shut the door. However, at 2:30, Jerel asks to speak with me again, so he interviews me for 1.5 hours, about behavioral/managerial questions. My lack of management experience is very evident, but he still seems to be giving me a chance.
I am in suspense all weekend wondering what will happen and thinking I'll get results on Monday.Monday comes, and I get an email from Charlie saying that Jerel has two more questions for me. One was about why I wasn't more involved in system level stuff, and one was stating that he was planning to train me for 6 months, but whether I was motivated to learn. I then use this opportunity not only to reply to his questions, but to pitch myself, and show him why I want this job. My heart had changed over the weekend, and I was more sure I wanted the job. I think seeing that he wanted to train me was also very appealing. I send the reply, and then I wait and wait.
Tuesday comes, and I find out Jerel is in a meeting with Peter and Marty to discuss the candidates. He then replies that they all share the similar concern that it would take me a year to pick things up. Jerel then suggests that I interview with the VP and the director of HR. I am in shock that I have to interview again. But I agree to it. The interview is scheduled for that Friday.
On Thursday, I discover that the VP was a former colleage of mine at LSI. We worked together the first year on the same project, but I couldn't remember who he was, and that bothered me. I also get signed up to interview with a video guy who worked at LSI before I joined, but whom Keith and Paul know.
On Friday, the interview with the HR lady goes really well. I also turn in some forms with my work history and a criminal check and a fixed up resume. Then , instead of the video guy, I see Jerel, because I find out the video guy has an eye-infection.. So I interview with Jerel again and he stumps me with a question, "tell me about a time you taught someone about someone else's accomplishment". I needed him to clarify " someone else's?" and he gives me a smug "Yes". So I tell him about when I taught Chester how to use Keith's hotlink environment. And then he gets all excited to hear about Keith's hotlink environment and then the time is up. Then I talk to Gerard, and we seem to have good rapport, perhaps from our connection with LSI. At the end, he gives me a tour of the 3rd floor of Zoran, and I get the feeling that I did all right with him.
Friday night at 5:15, charlie told me he will be talking to jerel, and my heart is beating and I am very nervous. I find out that Jerel will get back to him on Monday. I am utterly disappointed because I really wanted to know before the weekend. But my friends remind me that it's easier to say "no" than to say "yes". So I hope for the best.
COme Monday, and Jerel tells Charlie he would like to personally call my references and that I had to go in for yet another interview on Tuesday. I give him Mark, Keith, and Rene. I am worried about them reaching Keith cuz he doesn't have a cell phone and was going to be traveling to san mateo on Tuesday. but Jerel ends up reaching him that noon. AFterward, Keith calls me and tells me that I got the job because he could tell Jerel really likes me and that Jerel seems like a nice guy. That was very reassuring from Keith. I then worry about Jerel would reach Rene, since I knew that Rene was on vacation in Holland. Thankfully, I get a hold of his wife who confirms his email address. The next morning, Rene writes back and says he's available at noon. Jerel reaches Rene and they talk for 30 minutes, and Rene reports to me that the phone screen went well, and that Jerel is a nice guy.
That day, I have a "final" interview with Jerel at 2:30. He tells me that he reached all my references and they turned out well. Then we chat for another hour and a half about verificaiton methodology. It didn't seem like much of an interview. Before I leave, he thanks me for my patience and promises me results soon.
I go home feeling better thinking that I probably will get an offer because it didn't make sense for Tuesday to happen and for him to say what he said if his answer is No. Also, again, a No is easier than a Yes.
That night, Xing Ayi calls me and asks me if I know of anyone who needs her help. I am in awe that God opened the door again!
Wednesday, I hear no news except that Jerel will tell me by Thursday noon.
Thursday at 11:00, after a brief discussion with Charlie about pay, Jerel calls me on his cell phone and tells me he is "breaking protocol" by letting me know that he is giving me the offer. !
I haven't gotten the written offer, but I'm happy to be where I am at now.
Elaine
About a week and a half after getting the layoff notice, I had the "crazy" idea to post my resume on the internet, just to see where I stand -- sort of like getting an appraisal. I knew that the job market was really bad, and I knew of people who had been looking for jobs for months without finding the perfect job. I just thought I'd give it a try because it was so easy to post a resume on the internet. Plus, since I was planning to leave engineering, I thought this would be a chance to write one final resume while my accomplishments were fresh in my head. Also, I had the help of my friend Keith, who let me see his resume. Since we had worked together for the past 14 years, I decided to use his format and just change the parts of his resume to make them apply to me.
The day after I post my resume to hotjobs.com, I immediately begin getting solicited by headhunters. In fact, I posted my resume on Wednesday, and I was called on Friday. This seemed somewhat amazing to me since none of my friends had had this experience. On Monday, I find out that the headhunter, ERG, wanted to connect me with Ubicom for a full time verification position. They had selected me for my experience with caches. That Tuesday, I had a phone screen with the hiring manager. We talked for about an hour, and it went somewhat well considering it was a first phone screen. I was nervous, and I could tell the hiring manager was very smart and wanted me to be very smart. I wasn't sure I sounded smart enough on the phone screen, but I was invited to a full day interview for Thursday. When Thursday came, I interviewed with the hiring manager and 3 others. I didn't do very well answering some of their questions. I blamed it on being rusty at interviewing, and not knowing how to clarify the question being asked. They asked me deep questions about packets though I hadn't worked with network packets in a long time. The hiring manager also asked me a C question which was very involved. I was able to work it out eventually, but I wasn't sure if I was able to show the hiring manager that I was brilliant , as he had said would be the requirement for getting the job. Also, as I was interviewing, I discovered it was crunch time, and the manager was very unopen to me ever wanting to work part-time, and the other people didn't seem that excited to be working there. After all, it was a start -up company that had been around for 10 years. So as I was interviewing, I was very sure I would not want the job, and I didn't think I'd pass the interview anyway. As I was walking out of there, I was just glad to have given interviewing a try, and was sure that would be the last ....
As I was leaving the building and entering car, I decide to check my voice mail. I get a message from a hiring manager at Ambarella who found my resume on the internet. Amazing again! He wanted to know if I was available for a phone screen. Although I was tired of looking for a job, I decided to go for the phone screen. The next day, he calls me and asks me 15 questions in 30 minutes. It was very methodical, and the questions were easy, had I done any amount of studying. The problem was that I had not done the due diligence of looking for a job, so I didn't review stuff that I should review. ie. they asked med simple questions like "what's the difference between a task and a function", "what's the difference between a blocking and non-blocking assignment". I was quite embarassed for flopping, but it was totally unexpected. As a result, I realized that if I were to go on an interview, I better do some amount of studying, especially for these easy questions regarding terminology.
On Monday, I get another call from a headhunter for a DFT position. The headhunter was "impressed with my resume" and thinks I would be a good fit. Well, I completely ignore his call and when he calls again on Wednesday, I forward the info to my friend Avinash. By now I'm getting tired and I'm thinking I should take my resume off the internet since I hadn't been thrilled by the companies that were interviewing me.
The next day, I get an email from another headhunter about a verification position. By now, I had already talked with Keith who told me it was okay to tell them " Thank you for your interest in me. I've decided to take a break at this moment". So I try this with Charlie, the recruiter. He calls me about a position, and I ask him to send me the job description. Then I look at the job description and call him back and tell him the truth. "Thank you for choosing my resume. The jobs seems like a good fit, but I've decided that I want to take a break for a couple of months before looking for a job. Also, I've always been working part-time, so unless I can have a part-time job, I'm probably not interested". Charlie then tells me that there's a contracting position at the same company too, so I tell him that I might perhaps be interested. Charlie then talks to Jerel, the hiring manager, about the situation, and amazingly, Charlie calls me back and says that "Jerel wants me to apply for the full time position". So Charlie suggest that Jerel and I chat about the position. At first, he suggests "that day". and I try to work it out because I just wanted to get this out of the way, but then I decide that it would be too stressful for me to go to this interview and pick my kids up from basketball camp. So I suggest just talking on the phone. We schedule Wednesday, 11-12, just before my grass volleyball game in Fremont.
I drive toward Fremont extra early so that I can be at the park when Jerel calls me, and the go straight to play volleyball afterward. At 11:00,I'm sitting in my car holding my iphone, and reading my email so that I could be ready to talk to Jerel. At 11:10, I find it suspicious that I don't get a call. I check my voicemail to discover he had called at 11:05. I quickly hang up to call him back, but I realize that I need to listen to his full message to get his entire phone number. A whole 30 seconds passes, which feels like forever. I just felt very irresponsible and it was the first phone screen where I had actually missed the interviewer's call. Thankfully, I reach him, and explain the situation. He doesn't seem to be offended. He then tells me what the full-time position is for, to be a lead, and to mentor juniors. I tell him I've never had that experience, but , (not wanting to slam any doors shut), I felt like it might be something I could do. He then asks me about my experience, and what I've been working on. He seems to just like me, and my experience, for some strange reason. In the end, he invites me to come to the full day interview that they have set up for me on Thursday, to further discuss whether I should work full time or part time. I then exclaim that I didn't realize that part-time was still an option! He then admits that he would like me to apply for the full time job. Anyway, this phone screen was very different than the other two in that, while I had done progressively more studying, it did not come into effect at talk, because it was more of a discussion about my past experience.
So Wednesday night, I decide do a little more studying. Because I still had work, and kids (James had badminton that night), I still couldn't do much studying, but I decided to at least read the Clifford Cummings paper about blocking vs. non-blocking. I also read up on a few links that my friends had passed on to me about typical interview questions just so that I could do better. I still wasn't sure if I wanted the job though.
Thursday morning comes, and as I approach my car to drive to the interview, I notice that it is still as utterly disgusting and dirty as it was when I went to my Ubicom interview. At Ubicom, being a small start-up, I had to make sure I park far away from the door just to ensure no one would see my dirty car. I am annoyed with myself that I didn't find the time to get my car washed before the Zoran interview. So as usual, I park far away. I had a lot of time to spare. As I approach zoran, I am very impressed that it only took me 8 minutes to drive there. The lobby is very nice, and it definitely has the feel of an established company. I am impressed with the products on display. I arrive early, the only breakfast I had was an iced-white chocolate mocha from starbucks, same as what I got before the Ubicom interview.
10:00 , I meet Jerel. He proceeds to tell me what a terrible morning he had and how his car had broken down a couple blocks from his house that morning. I think of this as small talk. We enter the interview room. He asks me a lot of questions about my past experience, then he asks me some math-y questions. Not engineering questions, but more like brain teasers to see how I think. An hour and a half later, I'm done with him and move on talking with Peter, the director, and his manager. Peter asks me about my resume, a C questions, a question about verifying the pentium (to find that FPU bug), and a question about video. I feel like I did okay with him. Even though he started off as a stoic man, I even got him to crack a smile at the end of the interview. Then at 12:30, Jerel comes back an invites me to lunch.
At lunch, Jerel tells me " I normally offer to drive my interview candidates to lunch, but given my situation, I am going to ask if you can drive us to lunch." OHHHHHH SHOOOOT! WHY OH WHY DIDN"T I WASH MY CAR????? I then tell Jerel, "No. I'm sorry but I cannot let you see my car. I park under a tree and there is bird poop all over it!" I then make us trek 2 blocks in my nice clothes down an unpaved Kifer blvd to a little Korean owned deli. The lady behind the counter recommends I order this large messy bowl of noodles smothered with peanuts. I imagine myself slurping away and making a big mess, so I instead just order "what Jerel orders". We have a very nice lunch where he's wooing me about how I can work flex time and from home anytime I want. I start thinking I must have done okay on his interview questions that morning cuz he's still wooing me.
We walk back for more interviews. I interview with one of the NCG's. One of the questions he asks me is straight from that one Clifford Cummings paper. A miracle! I then interview with Marty. He asks me this question about a spinner spinning clockwise or counterclockwise. I get mad at myself for having seen that question before, but not reviewing it. Fortunately, I remember the solution is very simple, so I keep that in mind as I am solving the problem all over again. He then asks me a lot of follow up questions to the problem, and I answer them alright. I figure if I had just memorized the right answer to first part without working it out, I wouldn't have done so well on the interview.
I leave home feeling good about the interview, and good about the company. The next morning, I get a call from Charlie telling me that due to some timeline of another candidate, I will hear the results by 6pm that day. I immediately feel stressed thinking in my naivete that they might be giving me an offer that night, and that if they did, they wouldn't give it to the other guy, and if I didn't want the offer, then they should have given it to the other guy. I involve many friends in my situation and ask for prayer that God will make it clear whether I should take this job or not, and if it's a job He knows I cannot handle, that He would shut the door. However, at 2:30, Jerel asks to speak with me again, so he interviews me for 1.5 hours, about behavioral/managerial questions. My lack of management experience is very evident, but he still seems to be giving me a chance.
I am in suspense all weekend wondering what will happen and thinking I'll get results on Monday.Monday comes, and I get an email from Charlie saying that Jerel has two more questions for me. One was about why I wasn't more involved in system level stuff, and one was stating that he was planning to train me for 6 months, but whether I was motivated to learn. I then use this opportunity not only to reply to his questions, but to pitch myself, and show him why I want this job. My heart had changed over the weekend, and I was more sure I wanted the job. I think seeing that he wanted to train me was also very appealing. I send the reply, and then I wait and wait.
Tuesday comes, and I find out Jerel is in a meeting with Peter and Marty to discuss the candidates. He then replies that they all share the similar concern that it would take me a year to pick things up. Jerel then suggests that I interview with the VP and the director of HR. I am in shock that I have to interview again. But I agree to it. The interview is scheduled for that Friday.
On Thursday, I discover that the VP was a former colleage of mine at LSI. We worked together the first year on the same project, but I couldn't remember who he was, and that bothered me. I also get signed up to interview with a video guy who worked at LSI before I joined, but whom Keith and Paul know.
On Friday, the interview with the HR lady goes really well. I also turn in some forms with my work history and a criminal check and a fixed up resume. Then , instead of the video guy, I see Jerel, because I find out the video guy has an eye-infection.. So I interview with Jerel again and he stumps me with a question, "tell me about a time you taught someone about someone else's accomplishment". I needed him to clarify " someone else's?" and he gives me a smug "Yes". So I tell him about when I taught Chester how to use Keith's hotlink environment. And then he gets all excited to hear about Keith's hotlink environment and then the time is up. Then I talk to Gerard, and we seem to have good rapport, perhaps from our connection with LSI. At the end, he gives me a tour of the 3rd floor of Zoran, and I get the feeling that I did all right with him.
Friday night at 5:15, charlie told me he will be talking to jerel, and my heart is beating and I am very nervous. I find out that Jerel will get back to him on Monday. I am utterly disappointed because I really wanted to know before the weekend. But my friends remind me that it's easier to say "no" than to say "yes". So I hope for the best.
COme Monday, and Jerel tells Charlie he would like to personally call my references and that I had to go in for yet another interview on Tuesday. I give him Mark, Keith, and Rene. I am worried about them reaching Keith cuz he doesn't have a cell phone and was going to be traveling to san mateo on Tuesday. but Jerel ends up reaching him that noon. AFterward, Keith calls me and tells me that I got the job because he could tell Jerel really likes me and that Jerel seems like a nice guy. That was very reassuring from Keith. I then worry about Jerel would reach Rene, since I knew that Rene was on vacation in Holland. Thankfully, I get a hold of his wife who confirms his email address. The next morning, Rene writes back and says he's available at noon. Jerel reaches Rene and they talk for 30 minutes, and Rene reports to me that the phone screen went well, and that Jerel is a nice guy.
That day, I have a "final" interview with Jerel at 2:30. He tells me that he reached all my references and they turned out well. Then we chat for another hour and a half about verificaiton methodology. It didn't seem like much of an interview. Before I leave, he thanks me for my patience and promises me results soon.
I go home feeling better thinking that I probably will get an offer because it didn't make sense for Tuesday to happen and for him to say what he said if his answer is No. Also, again, a No is easier than a Yes.
That night, Xing Ayi calls me and asks me if I know of anyone who needs her help. I am in awe that God opened the door again!
Wednesday, I hear no news except that Jerel will tell me by Thursday noon.
Thursday at 11:00, after a brief discussion with Charlie about pay, Jerel calls me on his cell phone and tells me he is "breaking protocol" by letting me know that he is giving me the offer. !
I haven't gotten the written offer, but I'm happy to be where I am at now.
Elaine
My 3 seconds of fame
I was having lunch with my Zoran NCG friends plus Dardy at Adamson's French Dip and was photographed to be on their web
http://www.adamsonsfrenchdip.com/ On the menu page, there’s a slideshow of pictures … we're right after the mug of beer.
I think I should get some free food there. It's very good,by the way.
I wish I can go back in time
These are the thoughts I had last week, after I found out about my father's passing.
I wish I can go back in time. See you again when you were young and healthy. Watch you cook and garden. Eat a meal with you. Listen to all the stories of your youth. Really treasure the moments with you. I feel so empty and sad. There's a pain stabbing my heart and my guts so deeply that I feel nauseated. Such a terrible, powerless feeling. So final, so unchangeable, so immutable. The pain penetrates so deeply. The tears pouring down like waves. I'm drowning in sorrow and I'm stunned. I don't know how I can live the rest of my life missing you.
Death is ruthless. Our bodies are a tent. After we die, it's just an empty shell. Our lives on earth are just like a beautiful flower that is gone tomorrow.
I want to hear your voice again, Dad! I want to touch you, Dad!
Daddy, I love you. I wish I had a thousand more memories of you. The images of your house on Doublegrove St keep coming back to me. The yellow table, the old white desk, the kitchen with the stove on the peninsula, the booth seat, the window over the sink, the glass dining table, the green sofa, the horse paintings, the huge wooden framed television set, the hilly backyard, the pink carpets, the trees growing all over your front and backyard, the executive desk in the middle of the living room, the addition you put in the back of the house to rent out, which totally darkened your house, the pink carpets, the simple Christmas lights that you lined your roof with, your brown Cadillac, and later your dark red Cressida. My trips to LA will never be the same again. How can I drive down Azusa Ave without thinking about you?
Dear God, I need your comfort and peace. I need to know that my dad is really in a better place. Speak to me, please,God. My hope can only come from you. Lord, I need you!
Dad,my soul is aching for you. But no amount of tears will bring you back. No amount of cries. The gut wrenchin grief beyond anything I could compare with or imagine. The club of bereavement I never wanted to join. The moaning that has no release. The pain that has no relief.
I've spent many hours just lying on my bed feeling endless guilt for what I did not do, did not say enough of. I wish we lived closer together. I wish I had visited more. I wish I would have stayed longer when I visited you. I wish I had taken more trips with you.
I look at myself in the mirror and can see the sadness in my eyes. Make-up cannot mask it, smiles cannot hideit. I can try to go on with my day, get on with mylife, but each glimpse of myself inthe mirror surprises me with its candid view into my soul.
I wish you could hear me tell you right now that I love you...
I wish I can go back in time. See you again when you were young and healthy. Watch you cook and garden. Eat a meal with you. Listen to all the stories of your youth. Really treasure the moments with you. I feel so empty and sad. There's a pain stabbing my heart and my guts so deeply that I feel nauseated. Such a terrible, powerless feeling. So final, so unchangeable, so immutable. The pain penetrates so deeply. The tears pouring down like waves. I'm drowning in sorrow and I'm stunned. I don't know how I can live the rest of my life missing you.
Death is ruthless. Our bodies are a tent. After we die, it's just an empty shell. Our lives on earth are just like a beautiful flower that is gone tomorrow.
I want to hear your voice again, Dad! I want to touch you, Dad!
Daddy, I love you. I wish I had a thousand more memories of you. The images of your house on Doublegrove St keep coming back to me. The yellow table, the old white desk, the kitchen with the stove on the peninsula, the booth seat, the window over the sink, the glass dining table, the green sofa, the horse paintings, the huge wooden framed television set, the hilly backyard, the pink carpets, the trees growing all over your front and backyard, the executive desk in the middle of the living room, the addition you put in the back of the house to rent out, which totally darkened your house, the pink carpets, the simple Christmas lights that you lined your roof with, your brown Cadillac, and later your dark red Cressida. My trips to LA will never be the same again. How can I drive down Azusa Ave without thinking about you?
Dear God, I need your comfort and peace. I need to know that my dad is really in a better place. Speak to me, please,God. My hope can only come from you. Lord, I need you!
Dad,my soul is aching for you. But no amount of tears will bring you back. No amount of cries. The gut wrenchin grief beyond anything I could compare with or imagine. The club of bereavement I never wanted to join. The moaning that has no release. The pain that has no relief.
I've spent many hours just lying on my bed feeling endless guilt for what I did not do, did not say enough of. I wish we lived closer together. I wish I had visited more. I wish I would have stayed longer when I visited you. I wish I had taken more trips with you.
I look at myself in the mirror and can see the sadness in my eyes. Make-up cannot mask it, smiles cannot hideit. I can try to go on with my day, get on with mylife, but each glimpse of myself inthe mirror surprises me with its candid view into my soul.
I wish you could hear me tell you right now that I love you...
Resolution
Well, my beloved father passed away on October 9,2010 at 8:20. I have been extremely devastated. I had not known my father enough. However, I discovered last week that my dad had left behind 12 diaries for me. What a treasure!
I have decided that I will also start a personal blog to leave behind for my kids one day.
I have decided that I will also start a personal blog to leave behind for my kids one day.
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